How to Talk with Family and Friends About Caregiving Challenges

Share this content

It’s not easy to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges. You and your loved one are in this together, but your experiences and roles are very different.

For example, your aging loved one might be frustrated that they need help paying bills or managing medications, and you might feel stressed because you’ve had to cut back on personal spending to meet caregiving expenses or lonely because you’ve stopped nurturing your social life because you’ve become consumed with caregiving duties.

You may also find it hard to speak with family and friends about what you need in the way of help, and/or how you’re feeling. You may not feel comfortable talking about your own needs when you’re not the one with dementia or a chronic illness that’s worsening.

Plus, Anne Ziff says you’re probably both in denial.

Your End of Life Matters

Ziff is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mt. Sinai Medical Center in New York, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and the author of Your End of Life Matters: How to Talk with Family and Friends.

“Historically, it has been widely common for people to act as if death isn’t going to happen to them, and if they talk about it, maybe they’ll die now,” Ziff says. “I have a cartoon featuring Snoopy and Charlie Brown on my desk. They’re sitting on the end of a dock, looking off into the distance. You can only see the back of their heads. Charlie Brown says, ‘Someday we will all die, Snoopy.’ And Snoopy says, ‘True, but on all the other days, we will not.’

“That’s really the key to talking about caregiving challenges and end-of-life matters,” Ziff continues. “You’re not having these conversations because your parents are going to die tomorrow. You’re having them because they’re going to live for a long time, but one day, they will die, and you want to know the things that matter to them are being considered.”

5 Tips for Talking

Whether you need to talk about treatment and care decisions, changing roles, changes to your social life, caregiver stress and burnout, or negative feelings such as anger, fear, and uncertainty, here are some tips for talking with the person you are caring for and others on the caregiving team.

1. Set Aside Time to Talk

Find a time when you can talk without interruptions. Ask if it’s a good time before you start a talk, and be clear about why you want to talk and what you hope will come from it.

2. Think About What You Want to Say

You want to speak from your heart, but you should also think about what you want to say ahead of time. It might even help to practice using “I” statements, such as “I have a hard time talking about this, too.”

3. Be Calm and Patient

If the other person seems to have misunderstood, try explaining what you meant with different words. Then allow the other person to talk. When they’re talking, listen, and when they’re done, summarize what the other person has said to be sure that you have understood.

4. Don’t Play the Blame Game

Your loved one might have a hard time hearing what you’re saying, and vice versa. Try to not get angry or blame others for your feelings, but don’t feel like you have to say, “It’ll be OK,” either.

5. Plan to Have Another Conversation

There’s really no such thing as “The Talk.” Rather, it’s more like a series of conversations. Although it may be hard in the beginning, it will get easier if everyone is open and honest about their feelings.

Solutions to Common Caregiving Challenges

Caregiving for someone you love can be emotionally charged and sometimes frustrating, and there is no quick fix to the caregiving challenges that arise. But there are some general resources, conversation starters, and conflict diffusers that can help.

Download our “Solutions to Common Caregiving Challenges” eBook to learn about how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.

 

Did You Enjoy The Article? Get More Like This.

Receive relevant information, touching resident stories and helpful tips directly to your email inbox. All you need to do is subscribe to our VIP newsletter "Family Ties". It's FREE and you can unsubscribe anytime.

eNewsletter graphic
  • Browse by Topics

  • Recent Posts

  • Have More Questions?

    Deciding to help a loved one transition to a senior living option is not an easy decision. We can help you get the clarity, answers, and support needed to lessen your worries and take the next steps.

    Click the button below to let us know how we can help you further.


  • NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details or spam your inbox.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details or spam your inbox.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details or spam your inbox.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details or spam your inbox.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details or spam your inbox.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details or spam your inbox.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details or spam your inbox.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details or spam your inbox.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details or spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Our eBrochure

    Simply enter your details below to get access.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Our eBrochure

    Simply enter your details below to get access.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.


    Note: Your Privacy is very important to us and your details are kept confidential.
    You can easily unsubscribe at any time.

    Instant Access to the Program Overview Brochure

    Get more details about our signature Memory Care program to determine how well it will fit your loved one’s situation. Simply fill out the fields below to get access to the PDF.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Have you decided that assisted living is the best option for your elderly parent, and now are feeling overwhelmed on how to begin your search for the right community?

    This guide will go over what you need to know before you make a decision.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Are you considering assisted living for yourself or a loved one but are hesitant about the cost? Assisted living costs, services and amenities vary greatly among the last and most expensive communities, and costs are higher in some states than others.

    This guide will answer questions you may have about the costs of assisted living and recommend resources to help you pay for it.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

    Often, many adult children avoid bringing it up because it can be a sensitive topic.

    This guide will provide you with helpful tips and insight on how to have a productive conversation with your parent and siblings regarding your parent’s future.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Difficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

    This guide will provide you with skills and knowledge on how to handle difficult behaviors your aging parent may be experiencing.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

    There are many questions to answer before making the decision to take care of a loved one.

    This guide will provide answers to questions you may have on this topic.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Is your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

    What does medication and illness have to do with depression?

    How can you help? In this guide, you will be provided with answers to the difficult questions you may have about depression.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Has your aging parent recently lost interest in activities they used to enjoy? Have you noticed a change in their mood and behavior?

    This guide will provide you with resources and tools on how to identify depression, what are the common causes of depression, and how to promote mental health in your aging loved one.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Does your loved one need more support than what they are getting? Would they benefit from some assistance with daily activities?

    In this guide, you’ll find answers to the most common questions asked about assisted living.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Where do you start searching for assisted living or memory care communities?

    What qualities in a community should you look for? How do you know you made the right decision?


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Has your dad stopped getting together for lunches or outings with friends or visits with neighbors? Have you stopped enjoying time with your parents because you’re a caregiver?

    Choosing an assisted living community is a big decision. Learn how to find the right one for you and your loved one.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

    Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

    This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    In this eBook, you’ll learn how to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges, how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Have you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

    Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

    You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how health care professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Navigating adult sibling relationships can be a challenge, but coming together for the sake of your parent is important.

    In this guide, you’ll learn about common sibling conflicts that arise when caring for parents, strategies for getting siblings on board, and where to turn to for help.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    Assisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

    As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

    The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide


    If you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

    A guide to discover the Care Team and a Typical Day in Assisted Living.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-How to Choose the Right Assisted Living Community: What You Need to Know Before You Begin Your Search
    Have you decided that assisted living is the best option for your elderly parent, and now are feeling overwhelmed on how to begin your search for the right community?

    This guide will go over what you need to know before you make a decision.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Assisted Living Costs and Affordability
    Are you considering assisted living for yourself or a loved one but are hesitant about the cost? Assisted living costs, services and amenities vary greatly among the last and most expensive communities, and costs are higher in some states than others.

    This guide will answer questions you may have about the costs of assisted living and recommend resources to help you pay for it.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Having “The Talk” With Your Parent: It’s Time for Assisted Living
    Talking to your aging parent about moving to an assisted living community isn’t easy.

    Often, many adult children avoid bringing it up because it can be a sensitive topic.

    This guide will provide you with helpful tips and insight on how to have a productive conversation with your parent and siblings regarding your parent’s future.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-The Challenges of Aging: How to Handle Your Aging Parent’s Difficult Behaviors
    Difficult behaviors in elderly adults are very common. They may be an expression of frustration your loved one feels or a symptom of early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.

    This guide will provide you with skills and knowledge on how to handle difficult behaviors your aging parent may be experiencing.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Becoming a Family Caregiver: What You Need to Know Before Deciding to Take Care of a Loved One
    Becoming a family caregiver can be a rewarding experience. It also has its challenges.

    There are many questions to answer before making the decision to take care of a loved one.

    This guide will provide answers to questions you may have on this topic.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Helping Your Parent Manage Depression
    Is your parent or loved one depressed, or just in a bad mood?

    What does medication and illness have to do with depression?

    How can you help? In this guide, you will be provided with answers to the difficult questions you may have about depression.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Is It Depression? A Guide to Identifying and Addressing Depression in Aging Adults
    Has your aging parent recently lost interest in activities they used to enjoy? Have you noticed a change in their mood and behavior?

    This guide will provide you with resources and tools on how to identify depression, what are the common causes of depression, and how to promote mental health in your aging loved one.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Assisted Living Frequently Asked Questions and Answers
    Does your loved one need more support than what they are getting? Would they benefit from some assistance with daily activities?

    In this guide, you’ll find answers to the most common questions asked about assisted living.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-Why We Chose the Arbors Assisted Living and Memory Care: A Collection of Stories from Residents Living at The Arbors
    Where do you start searching for assisted living or memory care communities?

    What qualities in a community should you look for? How do you know you made the right decision?


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    The Arbors Assisted Living-Guide-7 Warning Signs It’s Time to Make the Move to Assisted Living
    Has your dad stopped getting together for lunches or outings with friends or visits with neighbors? Have you stopped enjoying time with your parents because you’re a caregiver?

    Choosing an assisted living community is a big decision. Learn how to find the right one for you and your loved one.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-Getting Your Affairs in Order
    No one ever plans to be sick or disabled, and disasters, man-made or natural, can happen at any time, anywhere.

    Yet older adults are among the most vulnerable during a crisis. That’s why it’s critical that seniors, and those who care for them, prepare for emergencies.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-Guide to Making the Move to Assisted Living
    Moving to assisted living is a life-changing event.

    This guide provides tips and ideas on downsizing, what to pack and how to make the transition smooth for your senior parent.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-Solutions to Common Caregiving Challenges
    In this eBook, you’ll learn how to talk with family and friends about caregiving challenges, how to deal with a parent who is resistant to help, how to get more caregiving help from your siblings, and how to keep your job while caregiving.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    How Moving My Loved One to The Arbors Eliminated My Caregiving Challenges
    Have you had to cut back your hours at work to care for your mom? Are you worried about administering medications or injections?

    Have you stopped getting together with friends, either because you don’t have the time or you’re too exhausted? Are you becoming the invisible second patient?


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-When is the Right Time for Memory Care?
    In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between Alzheimer’s and dementia, including the early symptoms of dementia; the seven stages of dementia and the symptoms that typically accompany each one; and the signs it’s time to start exploring your memory care options.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-What to Look for in a Memory Care Community
    In this guide, you’ll learn about the difference between assisted living and memory care, how healthcare professionals are trained in dementia care, common features of a memory care community, and questions you should ask when exploring your memory care options.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-Brothers and Sisters
    Navigating adult sibling relationships can be a challenge, but coming together for the sake of your parent is important.

    In this guide, you’ll learn about common sibling conflicts that arise when caring for parents, strategies for getting siblings on board, and where to turn to for help.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-The Standoff
    Assisted living can be a touchy subject. No matter how you approach it, your parent is likely to have objections to something.

    As you help them transition to a new stage of life, it helps to be prepared with answers to their questions and concerns.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-11 Most Common Caregiving Challenges
    A Guide to the Most Common Family Caregiver Challenges Associated with Caring for an Aging Parent.

    You’ll learn about the true costs of being a family caregiver, common family conflicts that can occur when caring for parents, and some of the unexpected challenges of caregiving.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-Checklist_ Questions to Ask When Touring an Assisted Living Community
    This checklist will help to make sure you are getting the most out of your visit to The Arbors.

    The list details what important questions to ask during your visit so you are able to make an enlightened choice and find the best assisted living community for your needs.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Guide

    Guide-What is Assisted Living Really Like
    If you’re unsure what Assisted Living looks like in real life, whether there is a difference with nursing homes or a desire to see how community life unfolds, then this guide is exactly what you need.

    A guide to discover the Care Team and a Typical Day in Assisted Living.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.

    Instant Access to Free Cost Comparison guide

    You’re probably wondering how much the different senior living options compare to your current situation.
    If you do, then this guide is exactly what you need.


    NOTE: Your privacy is important to us. We’ll never share your details nor spam your inbox.